'Northerners'- everything tha' wanted te ask but were too southern

T' Northerner

Sadly, this is the fairwell edition of T'Northerner, Jeffery Ballsweller is now having to face retirement on health grounds......he can't sit down anymore. So we finish this edition of T' Notherner on a sad note with Lady Horsey-Faquar appealling for your support and donations for two worthy cause.


Habitat Devastation in Northallerton

Yorkshire has now seen the near-extinction of free-roaming herds of Northerners, but a few arborial Northerners do still find room to perch in coniferous woodland. If you are lucky to find a mating pair near you, they can still be heard after dark, the characteristic 'Ring-Ding-Ding' as they ride off to gather pizza's on their Planeta's.......

Look out! There's one in the trees!

Their habitat is now threatened as IKEA harvest more softwood for Garden Furniture Stores in the South-East, a use for which the timber is totally unsuited. When this was put to a spokesperson for the store, their reply was, "So who gives a F**ck? I sold my mews flat last year and bought Bradford with the money!"

Ohhhhhh, the humanity.....!!

Here we can see the devastation after harvesting, all tree cover is removed, exposing Northerners to the elements, even their scrap Escorts and Cavalier SRi are taken, giving them no privacy in which to breed......if this continues, whole communities just move out.....to Brid'

Latest Homeless Northerner Appeal

Led by Lady Horsey-Faquar, Baroness of the Isle of Dogs

"Many of you are now aware of the plight of homeless Northerners in the SouthEast, you really can make a difference with your Donation, so please give what ever you can"

Only three pounds buys a homeless Northerner a warm, stout cardboard box with nan bread and rat.

Only two hundred pounds will ensure a Northern family have year-round coal in the bath and spaying for the offspring currently in heat....

Only one million, two hundred thousand pounds will build an animal-carcass rendering plant, guaranteeing the survival of a whole village of Northerners. Giving them the means to a balanced diet and body-rubs, that they need to bond as a community.....( Subject to enviromental impact survey )


Dear GOD!......... the smell! .......When they're in heat.

Please give as much as you can, before they learn to use the timetable for the North-East Mainline-Or we won't see the back of them........you know it makes sense.