"It seems more and more of you write in these days, over your Northerner suffering from 'Alien Hand' syndrome, in it's adolescent phase " Writes GP David Gimbal-Scrote. " Usually plenty of long walks and a colonic irrigation reduce the problem, I believe IKEA now do a mains pressure-washer in color co-ordinated hues.">
Latest Hunt News and Ferret Coursing
The Dorset ferret hunt establishment were stunned by the hospitalisation of well-known figure 'Dogferret' Monk on saturday after a bizarre bath-chair incident involving a sheep, paramedics reported him as saying "...Oh, God, Dolly...just two more minutes..."The family spokesman reported that surgeons worked for over an hour to get the smile off his face. Dolly was unavailable for comment
FERAL NORTHERNERS? What to do when they become a menace to pets and small children Although physical contact with them is to be avoided as their spoor is quite pungent when they are in season and permanently scars the carpet.
Hibernating Your Northerner As late Autumn is the earliest that your Northerner can hibernate, a little care is needed for successful re-emergence in spring, many of you are now sending your Show Northerner to Spain for the winter and this gives them the chance to exhibit their colorful plumage year round, without a shabby spring moult, though they do come back with a taste for San Miguel.
Glaxo Hits back
Controversial pelletised Northerner feed producer Glaxo, refused to give an interview over our last article but issued a statement " Our feeds are safe and as explosive diarrohea is not considered an etiquette problem amongst Northerners, we will NOT be changing the ingredients just to suit a load of lefty Northerner rights activists and their afghan rugs...."
NORTHERNER APPEAL
As more and more Northerners are being abandoned by callous owners in the SE, Lady Millicent Horsey-Faquar is leading a campaign to highlight this problem.
" Really, it's quite obscene, people buy these delightful creatures, then totally ignore their behavioural qualities. Why, I recovered a charming Arborial ( Tree Climbing )Northerner from a couple in Hampstead, who refused to care for it just because it had shat in their guttering...whilst their neighbours were having a barbeque....he was only marking his territory...." Since settling in with Lady Horsey-Faquar on her 530 acre estate near Chatteris, ' D'wayne ' has thrived and shows little sign of his previous abuse, though his scrofula is still being treated. "He absolutely adores it here, the large oak overhanging the guest room is his favourite, though he sometimes disappears for days, usually after signing-on" Lady Horsey-Faquar now leads the latest appeal to highlight growing abuse in the Home counties on unwanted Northerners....
You often catch a glimpse of them in your thicket or at car auctions, but are they a real hazard or just something for Granny to leave food out for, by the back door?
Mainly, if the local authority keep the population down, they pose no risk but they are now abusing Warfarin, as an haluciogenic, even free-basing it with batter mix, quite a rush apparently.
